I am really tired... i am tired of everything and i felt like i am just going to break down into tiny little pieces  and let the wind blows away the debris into oblivion ... i know some time from now, i would have to pick up the pieces and patch myself up and make myself a stronger person. ... but now, just let me ,,,,,,,,

Long Hiatus .....

It has been a while since i posted something in the blog .. there are times when i would write a lengthy post and end up deleting it .. It's four days to end of 2011 and hello to 2012. I am hearing more and more comments about the disputed end of the world as we know it ( December 21 2012 ). That's according to the Mayans who are no longer with us.

2011 is like a year unlike the past 29 years of my life. For the first time in my life, I found someone who really accepts me for who i am .. and try hard at it ... The journey is tough .. one that's filled with tears and ended with smile and warm fuzzy feeling deep inside.

I have so many things to be thankful for so i made a shortlisted version of it:

1.) My Parents and My Siblings. You guys are irreplaceable.
2.) The love of my life. I am not sure whether you would be reading this or not. But I truly Love you with all that i am. I want to grow old together with you and take care of you.
3.) My friends. Real Friends are harder to find than a flawless diamond. Real Friends are the one who sticks by you and tell you things you do not want to hear for your own sake. You guys are amazing
4.) My Ex-Lovers. A and V. Though things don't work out for us, we all shaped each other and taught each other a lot of things. We been part of each other's journey in life. With the closure of another chapter, another starts. Let's move on.

For the past 29 years, Life has been good to me. I made tremendously huge amount of mistakes. I screwed up so badly and spent years never getting over it. But now i realized  that things happened for a reason, I have met the love of my life through all the events that occurred all my life. It leads me here. Now, i have a new beginning in my life. I have a purpose filled life. I am going to dedicate my life serving God, caring and protecting my family which includes my lover and being there for my friends. That's after all, the true purpose of life, as i can see it. I refused to believe that life can be just better by spending hours and hours praying inside a building while the world outside suffers. I am only one person. But helping one person at one time, it works for me.

If you are reading this, may i asked that when you helped someone that you know or even a stranger, don't expect or ask for anything in return. Instead, request that the favor be returned to another friend / stranger.

Trying out the new blogger app from AppStore

Attempting to blog from iPhone.. Gonna try from iPad.

Lately things seems to be like a ride on the roller coasters of life. I am not sure if that's the term that i should use or not. Heck, i am not even sure i should be writing this and post it online even though the number of people reading this is relatively low. But if you are reading this and you can relate to what i am writing here, then we are pretty much in the same boat. I been feeling a mix feelings of envy, jealousy, anger .. whatever emotions that humans are able to felt, i pretty much had the cocktail of it .. recently, it all makes a comeback to visit me. I know that i am supposed to be the master of my emotions .. easier said that done .. sometimes, you got to be a human to be able to handle all of that sh*t. What i did is i look over all of those things that i shouldn't have been feeling, which is created by my insecurities .. and focus on what matters to me, what i am fighting for so hard over these past half year and hang on tight to it. Trust me, it ain't easy. It's easier to give up and play it cool. But giving up is not an option to me. I have to be stronger and the only way i can be stronger is if i have tasted the pain inflicted by my insecurities and get over it.

I am just going to be more optimistic. I can do this!!

Towards Self-Improvements

I had my share of screw-ups. I screwed-up my health, i ballooned up from 65kg range to a gargatuan 95kg range. Screwed up financially by over-spending.

Never mind all of that. The most important for me is to pick up after the dirty laundry and start afresh.

1.) Joined fitness centre and stick to the routine. At least 3 times a week. Love the group exercise. Exercising alone is not my thing. I love the competitiveness and the constant encouragement and yelling from the instructor. Right now i am yo-yoing at 84-85kg. Hope can reduce even more down.

2.) After getting rid of all the spiderwebs, gonna be on track financially and commit to a better savings and retirement savings.  ( for those of you who are not aware of it, savings and retirements savings are different. )

3.) Be a better person. Treat my friends better, treat my family better. Treat my lover better. All start by treating myself better.


I have great sources of inspirations all around me. My mum for her strong-will, my sister for her perseverance, my baby for passion and determination.

I am on a good path. :)

I wish that the roads that i took everyday to get about work or gym is like this ... that's if i live in the countryside ... LOL

Living in a city where the number of cars are sheer overwhelming, it would be nice for a drive at the countryside once in a while ... i for one love to drive ... it's like a visit to my therapist. My few other therapist charge me higher and it's much more unpleasant usually:

Therapist 1: Booze

Therapist 2: Punch the wall with your fist

Therapist 3: Movie Marathon till your eyes couldnt take it any more

It's interesting in life .. how you make mistakes, swear you would never do it again and end up doing it all over again ... it's also interesting how you make a mental note never to judge someone and yet ending up doing it all the time ... I admit that i do judge people .. i do it all the time ... even if it's a choice of shirt that someone is wearing, that's judging.

As i sat in the church last weekend, listening to a particular priest whom i usually dread ( because he loves to sing the whole mass !! ), it strikes me hard .. so I vow to myself to clean up my act.

Basically, my life has been turned around this year .. I have found someone who shook me to the roots, helps me straighten my act and made a better man. I am not going to bore you with the long winding story of how i met the love of my life and how flowers start to bloom like the roses.

I am just going to share what i am seeing in life and what life is teaching me so far .. this is what this blog is all about .. a place for me to share out my experience in life ..

I think life is beautiful if you want it to be ... no doubt that the world is a harsh place to live in ... Cost of Living is increasing by day, inflations, the food that you consume are actually not good for your health in the long term, greedy businessmen taint the very food that you are eating and the list goes on and on.

But if you are going to let all of that stops you or blind you from seeing the light on the horizon, then you need to sort out your priorities in life ... I don't deny that money is important, it pays the bills and it put food on the table and help to keep us warm and cosy but to relentless seek it is like sniffing pot and thinking that someone you would have enough ... it's never enough ... the things that people will do for money is too horrible to mention here.

As for me, my priorities are my partner in life, my family ( parents and siblings ) and my faith. My career would be the one that fuel my materialistic needs such as food and utilities bills and medical care. My faith would be nourishment to keep my spirit healthy. I am pretty much set for life ...